Ice Like Snow
by Usako Hoshino
Summary: Oneshot. Another sharp wave of pain hit Hallelujah once more, and he screamed like he had never before - it was really excruciating. He just want everything to end, to black out, to die. "Sorry, Allelujah." No yaoi


Hey guys!

My very first fanfic - about one of my favourite characters, Allelujah. Just wanted you guys to know (I'm sort of proud of it too xD) that Allelujah had the same birthday as me. And a note: this takes place in my country, Singapore, a place where there is NO winter. So I sort of poured my feelings of wanting to see snow into this fic...

The title was inspired by the 2nd OP - Ash Like Snow by The Brilliant Green.

Enjoy.

* * *

**Ice Like Snow**

"It's the winter season," Allelujah commented, taking a step out of his school and started to walk home, pulling on his jacket as he did so.

_So what? _A voice, from deep within, replied nastily.

"I want to see the snow."

The voice sniggered. _As if there is snow in Singapore, _he said mockingly, trying to injure Allelujah's feelings. _Are you an idiot? You have been waiting for Singapore to snow for ten crappy years. Do not waste your time out there. Switch me back!_

Allelujah was used to _his _taunting. Almost every day, every minute, every second, he would scream in his brain to try and make Allelujah switch with him when Allelujah was in control.

In control of his body, that's what.

Ten years ago, Hallelujah was put into the care of his uncle and was abused, thus he split his memories and awareness to survive during those hard times. His memories had gone into the subconscious and was experienced in another separate personality, which was how Allelujah was born. Sometimes they fought over the control of Hallelujah's body, and Allelujah, who was the more gentle and quiet of the two, usually would let Hallelujah take control. But today was Allelujah's favourite season, and although he knew very well that Singapore would not snow, he would still look up at the azure blue skies and hope that a white snowflake would gracefully fall down and land on his hand someday.

He stopped walking. He had already reached Hallelujah's house, and normally his mother would be at home. Allelujah normally switched back to Hallelujah in the house, since they were afraid that his mother would find out.

Hallelujah smiled, and opened the door so roughly that it banged on the walls of the house. He took off his shoes and left them in an untidy heap near the door and stomped off to his bedroom, slamming his bedroom door as he did so.

_Why are you in such a hurry? _Allelujah's voice rang in his head, and he snarled, "Shut up," back unpolitely. Although he treated Allelujah really badly, he actually liked him, deep in the bottom of his heart. Allelujah had appeared at his most vulnerable and dark times, and after being with him for ten years, they were familiar with each other and Hallelujah had thought of Allen as sort of a twin brother, even though Allelujah did not know his thoughts and feelings.

Hallelujah's reasons for being in such a hurry was revealed as he took out a packet of something white and powdery and also a straw. _Hmmm, Hallelujah, what is that?_

He broke out into a grin. "Ice."

Allelujah seemed to be struck dumb. _Ice? But... it looks like snow._

Hallelujah groaned impatiently. For a second personality of his that was born from him, he had always wondered why Allelujah had such a high level of stupidity. "Ice, you idiot! Not snow! Ice! Methamphetamine!"

His second personality finally registered what he was saying. _No way! Do not tell me you are going to inhale Methamphetamine?!_

Hallelujah frowned. "You are so slow, you idiot. Ali gave me these."

He could almost feel Allelujah concentrating and trying to remember when Ali, Hallelujah's best friend and also a delinquent, had given Hallelujah Ice. _I was sleeping? _he guessed.

Hallelujah smirked. He had purposely chose to meet Ali at the time when Allelujah was sleeping, so that he would not bother him with all his whiny remarks and warnings. "Chill. It is only Ice! What is the big deal?"

He opened the packet of Ice powder, took the straw and inhaled some of the Ice up into his nose.

_Hallelujah!! What do you think you are doing?! Ice is a drug!_

Hallelujah snorted. "So what? If you do not like it, shut up! You are giving me a damn headache. My best friend gave me these, I will eat them if I want to!"

And he continued to sniff the Ice powder slowly, savouring the taste and feeling of Ice, ignoring Allelujah's shouts of "Drugs are bad!" and "Stop sniffing Ice!" in his brain. A overjoyed feeling overwhelmed him, and he felt as though he was floating away on white, fluffy clouds, like he was free...

He grinned. Ali was right! Sniffing Ice was indeed a wise thing to do. It made him feel free, as though he was himself, as though he could do anything he want to. He sniffed in more, feeling the wonderful effect of Ice on him once more. Hallelujah then threw himself back onto the floor of his room and started to laugh loudly, and he found out that he could not stop laughing.

He had finally found his freedom, and also a way to escape from the ugly side of the world. He could finally escape from truth, the fact that his pathetic father had dumped him and his mother when he was three, the pain and sadness he had gone through when he was abused. Ice had taught him that nothing matters in this twisted and ugly world. Nothing.

He clutched the packet of Ice to his chest tightly. Yes. Nothing else matters.

Except for Ice.

* * *

Allelujah groaned loudly. It has been three weeks since Hallelujah started sniffing Ice, and nothing Allelujah did could stop him. He felt worried. Drug was a bad thing - it was a deadly master, one that controlled both your body and your life. With a simple sniff and Hallelujah could get hooked on it. And with just this one simple sniff, it could destroy your entire life.

Allelujah sighed. No matter how loudly he yelled, how long-winded he was, Hallelujah simply disregarded him with indifference or even took another sniff of Ice just to piss him off.

"What is up?"

He looked up, and was greeted with lovely shiny yellow eyes. Standing in front of him was a pretty looking long-haired girl, with a friendly smile on her smooth face. She slipped into the chair beside him, and peered at his face with a concerned look.

"Hallelujah?" she said questioningly.

Allelujah shook his head vigorously. "No, Allen," he corrected her. Marie was the first person ever to find out about Hallelujah's second personality, due to her observant and sharp eyes, being able to smell a rat and notice small unnoticed things that people did not usually take note of. As a really good friend, Hallelujah did not bother to keep it from her, and soon, she was also best friends with Allelujah himself.

"You have not been yourself for three weeks. Out with it. What happened?"

Allelujah sighed. He was one hundred percent sure that Marie was able to be trusted, since she had proven herself by keeping Hallelujah's secret for two years. She was also Allelujah's best friend and she treated him really well.

He opened his mouth to speak, but Hallelujah interrupted him.

_Going to rat on me, are you not?_

Allelujah stopped. "It is for your own good," he said softly. "Marie can help."

Hallelujah sneered. _You probably just only want to talk to her, right? What a bad excuse. Come on, even those primary school kids can wind up a better excuse than you. Just _tell _her if you like her, you spineless wimp!_

Allelujah blushed a deep shade of red. "Shut up, Hallelujah!" he replied back, and Hallelujah merely snorted. _I'm going to bother you anymore. You're boring. School's boring. I'm glad you're here to take over those idiotic lessons. _

And with that, Hallelujah went to sleep.

Allelujah sighed before turning to Marie and telling her everything about Hallelujah and Ice. She listened attentively, and went silent for a few minutes after listening to Allelujah's story.

"Is he asleep?"

Allelujah checked. "Yes."

Marie frowned, and Allelujah could almost hear the gears and wheels turning around in her brain, thinking of a solution. Finally, she said, "This is really serious. We have two solutions. Send him to the Drug Rehabilitation Centre, which I am sure you do not want to. The other solution is to block his supply of Ice."

She then went on to ask Allelujah some questions, like where Hallelujah put his packet of Ice, and when he always took his daily sniffing of Ice. Marie then proceeded to tell Allelujah her plan, and he grinned and nodded in agreement.

He was sure this was going to succeed, especially with Marie by his side. Plan Anti-Ice was going to be set into motion!

The next day, Allelujah went to school as per normal. He winked at Marie as she passed by, and she winked back. Today was the day for Plan Anti-Ice, and Allelujah hoped that Hallelujah would stop his habit of sniffing Ice. During recess time, Allelujah went to the library and started reading some of his favourite book series, a habit of his that would always bored Hallelujah to tears. And as planned beforehand, Marie went to Hallelujah's school bag and take out his usual packet of Ice for his daily dose for an entire week. She made sure that the coast was clear and nobody saw her taking out the packet of Ice. She then threw it away, into the big rubbish chute. When the bell rang, signaling that recess was over, Marie went back to her own seat, winking at Allelujah to signal the success of Plan Anti-Ice. Allelujah smiled, and mouthed a silent but grateful "Thank you" to her.

School ended as usual, and Allelujah walked home with Marie. She planned to buy some groceries, and would pass by his home on her way back to her house. They were chattering with each other happily, talking about their favourite dramas to arguing over which actor was better. Allelujah and Marie were really happy, talking and eating the scrumptious looking hotdogs they had just bought. The skies were clear, the weather warm. It could not have been any better.

Until now.

Allelujah stopped when he felt a twinge of pain in his heart. He gasped, and dropped his half eaten hotdog on the floor. He collapsed onto the ground, his sight blurring, and he could hear Marie right beside him, screaming hysterically and asking whether if he was fine, but there was another voice also yelling in his brain, making him even more dizzy and nauseous.

Hallelujah.

_Hurry up! _He was shouting, making Allelujah felt as though his brain was going to burst. _Take out the packet of Ice! In the bag! Hurry!_

"No," Allelujah whispered back hoarsely, shaking his head. "Ice is bad!"

Hallelujah almost exploded. _What do you think you are saying?! There is no time left now! I need Ice! Hurry up, or else I will snatch control!_

Allelujah coughed, not knowing what to do. All he knew was that Ice was bad and he could not let Aiden take Ice.

Or could he?

The truth hit Allelujah like a gargantuan oncoming truck. He finally realised it. Addiction. Hallelujah was addicted to Ice. If he did not take his usual packet of Ice, he would probably struggle and writhe on the ground till he die of pain. The pain was building up in Allelujah's chest now, and he rolled on the ground in pain, his vision swimming in and out, and he could only vividly feel Marie beside him.

Suddenly, everything was gone. Hallelujah came into control and gave a deafening ear-splitting yell and grasped Marie's wrist tightly, surprising Marie, who yelped out.

"Ice," he gasped, trying to crawl on his knees to his bag. Marie looked stunned for a moment before she finally understood him, and gave him a horrified look.

"Ice," he rasped hoarsely, cursing silently and stretching out his arm as far as possible towards his bag. "Gi-Give me Ice!"

Marie quivered. "I-I threw it away."

Hallelujah let out a roar of frustration, and the pain in his chest began to overwhelm him, and he was twitching in pain, rolling all over the ground. Marie was terrified, and then she took out her handphone and made an beeline for the ambulance. Things had really spun out of control. He finally surrendered to the pain, thinking that it would be better if he die, if he leave this world.

_No!_

Allelujah then appeared to him in his brain, appealing to him. _Do not give up. Whatever you do, do not give up! The hardest battle is to keep on living!_

Hallelujah groaned. "No. I cannot make it. It hurts, it hurts so much. The pain is agonizing, I cannot bear it anymore!"

Allelujah frowned. _Your life is yours. Cherish it properly. Remember, I will always be here. By your side._

Hallelujah looked at him. "Really? You promise?"

Allelujah grinned encouragingly. _I promise._

Another sharp wave of pain hit Hallelujah once more, and he screamed like he had never before - it was really excruciating. He just want everything to end, to black out, to die.

"Sorry, Allelujah."

He then gave up to the pain. Everything blacked out and he lose conciousness, and his hand dropped to the ground and moved no more.

* * *

He opened his eyes.

Hallelujah sat up and looked around. White room and white bedsheets - obviously he was in a hospital. He looked at his hands. He was unmistakably, _alive._

"You are awake."

It was Marie. Her face was pale, though she looked relieved that Hallelujah was safe and sound. There was a silent and awkward pause between them until Marie broke it.

"Hallelujah? Where is Allelujah?"

Hallelujah snapped out of his thoughts and theories on how he had managed to survived, and searched through himself for the second personality of his. He froze.

Allelujah was not there.

Hallelujah's heart began to beat faster as he started to panic, before he realized what had happened and finally understood how he had managed to survive.

Allelujah gave himself up to save him.

For the first time in his teenage years, Hallelujah started to cry. And he cried and cried, finding out that he could not stop crying. Allelujah - _his twin brother_ - was gone. And it was all because of him. Just because he was curious and took a sniff of Ice. Just because he did not listen to him, and continuing to sniff Ice. It was all his fault. All his fault.

He then told Marie the truth as he sobbed, tears flowing down his cheeks like pearls from a broken string. She also finally realized what had happened, and broke down into front of him, crying her heart out.

"I am sorry," Hallelujah said hoarsely, wiping his tears on the sleeves of his clothes. Marie looked up, hurt evident in her eyes, and delivered a stinging slap across his face.

She herself even looked shocked by what she had done, and she whispered a "Sorry" to him before she dashed away.

* * *

Today was the twenty-seventh of February.

Hallelujah noted that as he walked out of the Drug Rehabilitation Center six months later, looking better than before. It was his birthday today, and he was really glad that he had managed to turn over a new leaf.

He looked up into the clear blue sky. _I will always remember you, Allelujah, _he promised, thinking of his second personality that was once with him, and the selfless deed he had done to save him.

He looked down the road, near the gate, and his face broke into a broad smile.

His mother and Marie were waiting for him.

* * *

How was it?

"Lame", "interesting" or just "plain"? I actually wrote this for educational purposes, so... xD

Just drop a lovelee review, okay?

I'll be waiting. :D (it's my first fic too, so, please? Thank you. :D)


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